Shit

I haven’t written on here in a very long time. And I don’t know what to do say write or think about. Don’t even know why I have this. So far I just go on it to read interesting posts of the 20 something people I follow. I’m listening to music right now and although I hate that everybody knows this about me….yes I am listening to “hot fuss”. Its kind of cold where I’m at, and I do hate hospitals. Stupidity runs through my blood obviously cause if I can’t fuck up my weekend from the beginning I might as well do it by the end. What started off as one little problem has turned into me in hiding in a hospital gown taking unnecessary medicine. I think I’m going to quit. For a while see what happens. Lost lost lost. Just like this post hahahah I miss my mom and real food. I miss a lot of things, and then there’s things I don’t miss , but I guess its why I’m here right now. To learn how to live without things I miss.
I fucked up. Again.

december 22nd 2010

mark the date, promise myself that one thing.

I feel like my world is crumbling down.

I feel like my world is crumbling down.

My patience is becoming thinner and weaker

How do I forgive and forget

And incident so lost and little

My head aches everytime I remember

The dizzyness and loss of one night.

Im sorry for not knowing how to control myself

Putting you in a place of worry and pain

Mischief and disbelief control your mind.

The sex after the hospital was the best I ever had.

It was you showing me you could care for me no matter what.

Your tears meant the world too me,

I should have appreciated them,

How much I miss what I have lost.

Your name , your page, your number, your screenname, your pictures

Everything gives me a taste of you,

Showing me what I had and now is lost,

What I could grab and hold

And caress all day without remorse.

The staples in my head are worth the pain you shed

Were kids and we are not done nope not yet

Its been a week since you slammed me to the ground

Im scared but I know well pass this around

Stronger then anybody I have ever met

Experienced life and known how to learn

Im happy to find out how we get through this together.

And know that we can laugh later in bed.

How do I let you know everything is ok

Without showing all my bent up pain

Im sorry baby for hurting you

The future is real and hopefull too

Only person by my side after everything done,

Is you and for that thank you

I hope we never come undone.

pish

you not being there tonight just teaches me one more thing about love, its not worth it.

going up there..

Heading to canada! Montreal to be exact, i havent updated this in a very long time and alot has happened, i no longer have no real connection to what i call home and tumblr will be own personal trapper keeper!!! how gay of me, anyways, im kind of excited and kind of sad, theres alot that can happen in the next few months ad a lot to grow, hopefully i learn something new and dont stick to close to the past.