idont know how to write, i dont know what to feel i dont know how to express these emotions. how many times can i replay the past 3 months in my head and finally accept them for the beauty that they are and how special they have been.”i know i dont know you, but i want you so bad” ” everyone has a secret , oh can they keep it” ” oh no they cant” never have i enjoyed so much time with a person and never have i been so scared to accept something special in my life, the fact that your broken, whatever that means, am i broken? what does it mean to be different from one another , i cant explain what makes me want you even more, i wish i knew what about me would make you want me, maybe im reading so into it that i will end up fooling myself and here comes my negative rant just to help myself feel better. i want the world to know how special i feel, but so many obstacles i see , is it possible that shit just wont work out, but what if it all works out perfectly and fits in to a beautiful puzzle, that i can frame on my wall along with a my beloved memories dreams and aspirations. i want to question everything and doubt clouds all of my thoughts but where is my proof my evidence my foundation to kick you right out of my life where is it baby, fuck. i just want to smile but somehow i met you in a world that smiling is hard and then what , all i want to do is make you smile. little by little  a sense of comfort comes from you and trust engulfs me, is it possible for me to get past my own insecurities and open my eyes and see something beautiful, let you read this and realize that your acutually something special to me, like a dumb little boy with a dumb kindergarten crush, that is now big and bold into something extraordinary. i dont believe in myself and yet i feel like you might beleive in me, it might all be a big ass hoax and then what am i happy it happened? or  do i wallow and weep, do i declare war against myself. ill eventually lose. when i was little i used to believe that people were incapable of actually reaching a complete connection with another human being because they were to full of their own precautions and insecurities, why is it that i still believe that today and how do i know its gone. is it that silence that we have among us that makes me feel more or am i reading this book all wrong maybe its backwards or in another language, or maybe its meant to be read by somebody else. to be honest i never had an imaginary friend and you probably wont fill that whole meant for that. what you will and have filled is a a space in the gap between my curiosity spontaneity boldness insecurity and doubtness and the best part of it all with all bad ppunctuation aside. your not done.